When I became a mother more than seven years ago, I stopped being Lori and became Jane's mom. While this is a role I treasure, and I wouldn't have it any other way, it has come with some interesting developments, chiefly, that I have become invisible to friends who work and who do not have children.
Before I was Jane's mom, I was a hard-working technical writer and project manager in high-tech. I had an active life outside of work: I volunteered, was physically fit, knitted prolifically, cared for our many animals, and supported the arts. Once I had Jane and became a full-time mom, an initially exhausting but much more challenging job without financial pay, people's perceptions of me shifted. I did not think anyone would treat me any differently, but they did. I had changed. I had become Invisible Mom.
Evenings out with friends who still worked paying jobs and did not have children became awkward in that they stopped engaging me in conversations and asking me about my life, as one friend does for another out of genuine interest or even polite conversation. While my husband and our friends chatted about their work and its travails, I ended up sitting quietly, listening, and sometimes fuming.
This was puzzling and infuriating. While I traded my career for motherhood, I did not stop being Lori, nor did really leave the working world; I sort of side-stepped it. I upped the ante in my volunteering, and took on even more responsibilities to help build a strong skill set and eventually transition into a career in nonprofit fundraising. I still had plenty to say, and some very interesting adventures in group dynamics to share. Many times my husband disengaged from interacting with me during these evenings out as well. I found myself feeling superfluous, and along for the ride. There were times when I was so tired from mothering, that a night out where I said very little was a great relief, but mostly it was humiliating.
Which brings me to the reason for this blog.
This post is not meant to be a rant or a ploy for sympathy, but more of an introduction to me, the hopefully former Invisible Mom. While my chief concern is being a mom, and I do work part-time as a freelance fundraiser and writer, I am very much in tune with current events. And I do have some things to say: about public education, animal welfare, mid-life, life, the books I read and the authors I love, exercise, acupuncture, being a Jew-Bu, but mostly about finding my voice again and becoming visible. Again.
P.S. You've probably noticed that the title of this blog is "Geriatric Mommy." That is my Twitter handle and my humorous nickname for myself, an older mom of a young child. It's one helluva good ice breaker.
